Frictional Unemployment

I am currently unemployed. Havent been one since 4 1/2
years. Even though I had changed company before, I had my date with the
new company the very next working day. The only days when I had nothing
to do was after my college. But those days were of anxiety as things
werent going well in the software field. Many companies had refused to honour
their campus offers.

First day off my job felt like an odd man out. The whole world seemed
busy and indifferent, minding its usual bread earning chores.
Suddenly the hectic schedule is off and there is no post to run to.
First thing in the morning I was sidelined for breakfast. I was the first
one all these years. Response time for most of my demands has gone up and some have gotten postponed indefinitely. I was called upon to do the usual chores..buying groceries, paying bills, etc etc.

Suddenly my bank balance is running low and I realize had I become full time
unemployed, my resources would last only for weeks. I realize major chunk of my earnings is getting cobbled up by EMIs and my life style eats the rest. I suddenly realize everything had revolved around my ability to earn. My attitude, confidence, self esteem - all of it.

At the end of the week, I want to get back to work. In these few days I have discovered I
want to be busy. Look busy. Derive great pride in keeping myself busy.

Finally I have discovered there exists a blog of mine and I have to post regularly on it!

Infinite loop

5AM. Some day. 2006, Boise.

I open my eyes shattering some shitty dream and for a while I wonder where I am.
Well, I am on my bed.
I see my watch and heave a sigh of relief. Its only 5 and I am not in places where I was a while I ago in my dreams. Again sleep somehow finds its way to my eyes and I am down.
This time not a single dream but only sleep.
Deep sound sleep.
Feels free.
Some heavy burden is off my head and I am as light as a feather.

6AM.
Its 6:00 in the morning. Well I dont know it is 6:00. The phone rings and I wake up. It should be 6.
Damn. I always wonder why such sleep never comes anywhere near me during night.
God damn nightmares.
Suffocating. Smothering.
I blame the bed. Too soft for me.
Well, to hell with everything and I go to sleep.

7AM.
I wake up suddenly as though something jolted me. It is already 7. I know I cant sleep beyond seven. Traces of discipline left in me chase my sleep away. Hmm..nothing else to do with sleep taken off. But laziness is still around.

7:30AM
I am under the shower. Laziness has just been flushed down the toilet along with the hot water flowing all over me. Hunger is next in queue. So I feel hungry.

8AM
I am packing my lunch. Shit! It stinks.
My lunch box.
I didnt wash it yesterday.

8:15AM
We are on our way to the gate house. Its snowing.
I love snow.
Seems heavens have opened up and showering white petals. Snow flakes are falling all over the place, landing gently, softly. you can hardly feel them until they sit on you and tickle with a little chill.
It feels nice untill you take a look at the breakfast table.

Same stuff as yesterday. Scrambled eggs, flour totillas, baked potatoes, varieties of milk with myraid nutrient stats, bread, doughnuts, oat meal, corn flakes, taco shells, muffins, salsa, jalapinos, cheese, jam, pan cakes, biscuits, fruits....
They suck. But hunger says eat it any how. My tongue doesnt complain.

8:30.
I am on my way to work. Snowing has stopped and every thing seems to have frozen. Even time. The trees look bare and naked. Every bit of moisture has been sucked out by the dry winds. I feel winter is very merciless. Not a single leaf or anything green. Only spotless white snow. The white colour has hidden the underlying harshness. Far away I see live stock. So nonchalantly chewing their cud. The weather has left them alone.

I am in front of my office building. Its the same parking lot. I walk past a lot of people on my way to my cubicle. Some are familiar faces. Some are strange.

12 noon.
Sun is shining brightly and he seems to be running the show now. Snow is busy hiding from him. Half of it has already escaped into Boise gutters. This is march snow, someone said.

6PM.
Its seems only a few minutes after lunch. The clock seems to be in a hurry.
Always.
Amidst PTRs, escalations, coffee talks, cookie meetings, conf calls, net meetings, presentations, code walk throughs, code study, bug fix porting, time flies.
Time to leave.

We hit the road again.
The entire humanity is out there. I dont mind. Feel a little tired and start eating the fruit that I flicked from the breakfast table.
Mind runs riot. Just starts thinking of how people live here. There isnt much to do apart from work. You cant hang out in MG road. You cant go to rice bowl. You cant go to Bangalore central. You dont have your bike. You cant eat pani puri. Well you cant many things.

6:30PM
I am back in my apartment. The maid has set my bed right and everything looks tidy. Suddenly I feel tired and fall on the sofa. Its not tiredness. Its just fatigue. Also hunger reminds me of its existence.

7:30PM
I am at the cooking table.
Something is cooking.
I am lost in "Thats 70s show". The whistle of the cooker alerts me.

I know how much sambar powder to put. Salt is less, as always. We add it.
Amidst the usual gossips, dinner is over.

I walk back to my apartment. I see clear skies and full moon. Stars are playing hide and seek.
What tranquility!!
The night seems to have totally forgotten what happened during the day.
One can hardly say it snowed. Only 8 hours ago.

5AM. Next day.
I open my eyes. I am glad I am not in the exam hall, without a hall ticket. I try to figure out where I am. Oh yeah! I am on the floor somewhere between the TV and the sofa. I crawl to the bed knowing pretty well the phone is going to ring at 6.
Sleep consumes me.
I lose myself.

Back to Boise

Flight to boise is long. Really long. I mean really really long. Well I am not sure yet that the uninitiated have got the hang of longness I am talking about here! Let me try again.

You get to spend a good 22 hours of your life at a height of 38000ft floating in a sea of nothing and nothing but vast oblivion of blue emptiness. You might say what about your co-passengers? Well they should be the last thing that you notice in a plane.......if you are lucky that is.

I guess everybody takes a windows seat on their first flight. I did too. Through the window I saw the plane slowly taxing to a runway which was lit up like a boulevard ready to welcome a party. I saw its magnificient body take off with all its passengers, crew and cargo, bearing the responsibility of helping each one to reach their destination. I felt that the plane was slowly and painfully getting separated from earth with a promise to rejoin later at some other place.

Then I saw my city from far up above the sky, beautifully lit up and lost in deep sleep, oblivious of the whole world. After sometime, I had a sound sleep while looking deep into the pitch darkness through the window, imagining myself to be sleeping somewhere way high above an ocean.
I really liked it and felt the whole journey was over in a matter of minutes.I was lost in inexplicable melancholy all the time and the journey became timeless.

Its difficult to get lucky twice. On my second journey, my friends advised me to take the aisle seat trying to convince me by saying "man..it would be like going to the loo without anybody's permission!". They sold it to me as "freedom". Damn! I bought it. Going to the loo without disturbing anyone was a good bait, because last time I had felt very uncomfortable to wake up my co-passengers, even though I did that only twice in a 10hr long journey.

So, I was in the aisle seat this time. Still I kept peeping through the far off window to figure out where the plane was going, whether it was ready for take off and the like. Even after the take off I was still trying to peep outside the window to feel the darkness. Meanwhile there was an announcement from the plane's first officer.
"We have reached the cruising altitude. You may take off your seat belts. However it is advised to keep your belts on through the entire journey. Thank you!"

"Excoose me!"
"Ok, excused..but who is this?" - I said to myself getting out of the trance that I had gotten into.
It was my co-passenger sitting next to me.
OK. Here you go. I got up and he continued his journey to the loo. I sat down and tried to peep through the window again.

"Excoose me"
This time the sound came from the other side.
OK. He had finished his trip and was back. I again got up and gave way for him to proceed.

I was back at my job again trying to peep outside the window.
It was as black as a crow outside and with me being so far from the window, didnt feel the way I felt last time. So I gave up peeping and picked up a book.

"Excoose me".
This time it was a feminine voice. I had barely finished 10 lines and had to get up to give way. This time I thought I will wait for the juggernaut to come back and settle down.
It was full 5 minutes and nothing came back. The airhostess who was serving drinks asked in a polite voice :
"Could you please be seated Sir!"
OK. I sat down and started reading again.
Bearly had I read 10 lines pat came the voice.

"Excoose me"

So, I gave way.
After these two encounters, I thought I should check out who my co-passengers were. There were 3 seats next to the window and I was on the "lucky" aisle seat. The other two were occupied and completely filled to the brim by a Czech couple who were in their twilight years. Their potbelly stood testimony to years of unhindered pampering and it seemed that they had sincerely dis-obeyed all their doctor's advice, for I saw all signs of senile disorders that one can imagine.

OK. The coast was clear. So got back to my book again.

This time I had fallen asleep while reading the book, when I heard a familiar voice.
"Excoose me"
I was half asleep and wondered "Sounds a familiar voice..where did I hear that before?"
I raised my head to see the old man with an apologetic countenance.

I sighed and gave way. His mission was complete within 2 minutes.
OK. Back to sleep.

Barely was it 10 minutes, I heard a familiar voice.
"Excoose me".
I got frustrated a little but still excoosed her. After 5 minutes I had to excoose her again and get back to sleep.
The same cycle of excoosing happened one more time and I got a little restless but calmed myself hoping that all was over.

In the next 2 hours the couple had finished 5 trips to the lavatory.
It seemed each one took turns and at times they were competing against each other.

"You finished the fifth one? Wait..why should women always lag behind men? Here I go for the equaliser"

By the time the plane landed, I was devastated. I had counted 12 full trips and the 13th was on immediately after the plane landed. The loss of sleep was driving me mad and my thoughts began to stray to trivial and unimportant stuff.

"How in the name of christ can you do 13 trips to the loo in a span 10 hours? That means an average of 1.3 an hour, which means an staggering 31.2 a day. Man..you must have awesome capacity to accomplish such figures. Wait..is it the diabetes that is doing this to them? OK. Granted. Old people especially with diabetes tend to use the bathroom a little too often. What!? You call 31.2 times a day a "little too often". If this is not "very often", then camping permanently in the loo would be the only case to qualify.
OK. Still granted. This might be one of those "one in thousand" case. But why the hell should they take turns? Cant they plan and collaborate to get out at the same time? Couldnt they have excercised and prevented the diabetes to save me from this trouble? How irresponsible! Couldnt they have taken some medication to reduce the number of trips? Couldnt they..."

My delirium went on further and thought of what my mother used to say: "Those who spoil others sleep, shall take re-birth as donkey in their next incarnation" (I used to do that to my mother in my childhood)
There are awefully lot of donkeys in my locality in bangalore. So, I took solace in the fact that I was not the only one!

"I agree"

I remember this conversation...err...ya..conversation....that I had with one of my friend long back. He is one of those, who always has a dissenting opinion on everything. Well, I am not pointing fingers at him and judging him. But...but.....try telling him this: "Hey look at that black crow man..isnt it so ugly?"
He will quickly retort: "How can you say the crow is ugly man. Do you think it is ugly because it is black? Or just because it cries out in a shrill voice? Or is it because its nest look like a dustbin on a tree?..Or is it because.. "
You have to say: "The crow is extraordinarily gorgeous and sexy. Agreed?"
Now, dont get me wrong, ok. I am still not saying he is obstreperous. He is very good fellow. But you know....... he is a little intransigent.

I admit that sometimes I am also part of the problem. I always start with leading questions or sweeping statements which he hates. He invariably feels that I have taken away his right to have his opinion.
Once he had candidly told me "Dont see everything through your own spectacles buddy".
At that time I did what he always did to me. Retaliate "Then, what do you think? Should I see things through YOUR "powerful" spectacles?".

So, we had a conversation one day.
Politics was our favourite topic. We were in the cafetaria and I just happened to read this:
"Madras HC acquits Jayalalitha in disproportionate assets case". It was front page headlines in none other than Hindu (where else can you see such a bland headline? Any guesses what was on TOI? "Kajol becomes mama mia!" Oh. Thats news!).
I began with yet another all encompassing sweeping statement
"All the bloody politicians escape the so called long arms of law. There is no justice in this country".
This was my last but one sentence in that conversation. Well, the other one was my last sentence.
So he began:
"You know what. Our country is far better than our neighbouring Pakistan, Bangladesh or why take some developing countries like Indonesia" (that way you compare anything to a ditch, it looks clean). There is so much corruption and lawlessness.
"You should be fortunate to live in India, where atleast politicians are dragged to the court (and what ? acquitted?). Actually you know what? All these cases on Jaya is a fraud man. That cunning Karunanidhi is trying to finish off Jaya politically. Its just dirty politics man. You dont understand. Actually you should admire, how a women is fighting her way out of the quagmire, when all people around her are trying to finish her off. (the sort of looks that he gave at that moment clearly said that I was one of them....I mean who is trying to push her down into the ditch..I mean the quagmire)"
"She is swimming against the tide in exceptionally dangerous waters man..."
"You know in BhagadvadGeetha there is a shloka (oh ho! here is the worst part. I forgot to mention one of the rare triats of my friend...he has this rare knack to link everything and anything and why even nothing to Bhagadvadgeetha and drone about it endlessly).
He began in full tempo "Bhishma drona thata, jayadratha jala, gandhara neelopala........(which supposedly means Bhishma and Drona are the banks, Jayadratha is the flooding water, Gandhara is something...I forgot...in between there are some more dangerous things which I forgot too....Ashwathama and Vikarna are two deadly crocodiles, Duryodhana is the whirlpool...and such a river was crossed by a boat which was navigated by Krishna)....."
In short, he was comparing Jaya to a swimmer who is supposedly swimming in some river (I bet it should be Kaveri!) which is flooding (come on, kaveri and flooding..hehehe. Well it is possible. If Jaya gets into water..it should cause a flood downstream.)...with all Karunanidhi and his sons being likened to wicked crocodiles, the Madras HC to the whirlpool....and so on.....well I was wondering who was krishna.....I guess it must be Sasikala natarajan..who else?

BhagavadGeetha was always the coup de grace.
I bet, had I said that Jaya was an angel, he would have fished out some other shloka which demonised her.
So, did I tell you it was a conversation? Well it was. I spoke as many as TWO sentences nah?
The last one being, "I agree"

"Bibliotag"

Few days back Avinash told me that he had "book tagged" me.
I said "Cool! Thank you" (I didnt had a clue what he meant)
Yesterday he did ask me why I havent posted on my blog.
I blinked.
"Why do you ask me?"
It is only then I got that if you are, what you call "Book tagged", you are suppose to publish your bibliography.

So here it is:

My favourite books: (English)
Freedom at midnight by Dominique Lappierre and Larry Collins
To kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
Life of Pi by Yann Martel (Booker prize winner)
Indomitable Sardar by K L Punjabi (about Sardar Patel)
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
Man in search of Meaning by Victor E Frankl
Tales of Malgudi by R K Narayan ("The Tiger of Malgudi" is my favourite)
The Financial Expert by R K Narayan
Mating Season by P G Wodehouse
Short Stories by Roald Dahl (I recommend this one if you like dark humour)

Other books:
Tamas by Bhism Sahni
My God died Young by Sasthi Brata
A passage to India by E M Forrester
Talking Straight by Lee Iococca
Straight from the Gut by Jack Welch
Flesh and Nails by K S Duggal
Sunset at the Blandings by P G Wodehouse (his last work which he never finished)
Indira by Katherine Frank (I read it because it created a lot of controversy)
One hundred years of Solitude (Noble prize winning Novel by Gabriel Garcia Marqueiz) I still wonder why it got the nobel prize.
The Firm by Gohn Grisham
God Father by Mario Puzo
The Alchemist by Poulo Coelho
The monk who sold his Ferrari by Robin Sharma(Wyak, very bad read. Had to read as it was recommended by one of my friend.)
Who moved my cheese by Spencer Johnson (Didnt like it one bit. Read it to humour my friend)

My favourite in Kannada:
Vamsha Vriksha
Griha Bhanga
Daatu all by S .L. Bhairappa
Chomana Dudi by Shivarama Kaaranth
Samskara by U R Ananth Murthy
Hamsa Geethe by Ta. Ra. SubbaRao popularly known as Ta. Ra. Su.
Sarasa by Eshwaraiah (who was Udayavaani editor)

Other books:
Nirakarana
Grahana
Doora saridaru
Naayi Neralu all by Bhairappa
Artha by Nagaraj
Millenium vishwa darshana by Poorna Chandra Tejaswi (Kuvempu' s son)

I have written only the ones I remember. Let me add to this list as and when I recall.